My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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