took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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