He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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