it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
