He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
