I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
