We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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