Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
