Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
