She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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