Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
