they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
