So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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