I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
