I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
