You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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