it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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