she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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