my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
