She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
