just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
