Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All the doctor said was why
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
