You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
