Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
