Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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