I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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