I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
