i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
