I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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