well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
