I showed him my bush... on skype.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
