his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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