Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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