i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
