I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
