It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who died my cat blue again?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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