UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
