Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
