After last night, I could never be a politician.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
