i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
