I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dick very happy bro
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
