The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
