Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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