She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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