1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
