I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize