Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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