He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize