there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
