It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
