oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
