I showed him my bush... on skype.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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