I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
