life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
