yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
