dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
