strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
