You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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