I need help removing her.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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