Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
