if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
