What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
