I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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