As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
